Monday, December 21, 2015

21 Day Fix: Day One- Hubby Style!

Hubs and I have been talking about doing a workout program together and so far hadn't found one we both liked enough to do start to finish.  He decided to try the 21 Day Fix with me today though, and I'm hoping I can get him to stick with it.  Seriously, the entertainment value is so high that I don't know why I haven't been working out with him before.  Of course, I can't concentrate when I'm laughing, so there's that.  I can't even remember half the funny stuff he yelled at Autumn, but these stood out:

*During the warmup, she tells you to do jumping jacks and says you should jack it out.  I'll just let your mind wander into Beavis and Butthead territory on that one.

*"If I'm gonna work like this for 21 days, it better be worth it.  She takes her top off at the end, right?"

*"TOMEK? That dude's name is Tomek?  Like Legends of the Hidden Temple Tomek? (and for the record I think that's Olmec, but still.  I died laughing.)

*"How many people do you think have actually pooped their pants while doing this?" and then goes on to demonstrate while one girl is doing squats.  "See?  Look at her!  Barely holding it in!"

*"Who's the healthy girl?  Kat? Okay Kat! It's you and me!  We got this!  Wait.  She's beating me at this.  I can't keep up with the modifier girl?"

*"Frog crunches? What is that?  I can't even put my legs like that.  It hurts to just lay here."

*"Dude.  I already hurt.  But you're gonna do this with me tomorrow right?"

And yes.  Yes I am.  All kidding aside, I'm so SO proud of my man.  He's already lost almost 40 pounds by cleaning up his nutrition, and I'm totally stoked that he's starting to work out with me.  He makes me laugh every single day and I think we're closer than we've ever been.  Definitely makes us want to get healthy so we have as much time together as possible.  And it's kinda fun for me that I totally remember what it was like to feel the exact same way, and not be able to keep up with Kat, and now after a year I can do most of it with the regular girls.  He's going to be running circles around me in no time because the man is on fire with focus now.  We'll need even heavier weights soon!

And I was gonna post this picture as a congratulations, but it turns out that it's lies....



Oh well.  It's a goal to shoot for, right? Can't wait for Day 2!

Monday, December 7, 2015

Grace and Excuses

So here's the thing: I don't judge myself with the same measuring stick I use for everyone else.  I think that's pretty standard for everyone, right?  I look at someone else having a bad day and I message them and say, "Girl, you got this!  Look how awesome you are! You can power through!"  And I'm not just giving lip service- I mean it!  I have awesome friends and I believe in them wholeheartedly.

But I have the same bad day and I think, "This sucks.  I suck.  It will never get better and even if I try hard, I will not measure up." I don't believe other people sometimes when they give me the pep-you-up messages, and occasionally I even think they're misguided or delusional for believing in me when it is SO FREAKING OBVIOUS that I am a dismal failure.

I know you've been there, guys. Isn't this what we all do to ourselves?

The trouble I'm having right now is finding the balance between giving myself a little grace, and yet not using excuses and too MUCH grace as a reason to not move forward.  Does that make sense?  Let me explain.

I want to be perfect.  I do.  I want to work out every day, and eat clean, and see amazing results.  And I know that I *could* do it.  But there are days it's just not a priority in the 24 hours that I have.  And I'm ashamed to admit that too many days, eating chips and fat-assing on my couch with Plants vs Zombies and some Netflix bingeing is my priority instead.  I don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't move forward in life.  I hate that so many times it's just easier to sit there.  And yet I continue to do it.  And when I say this kind of thing to hubby, he says "babe, you've been working so hard! You deserve a little break.  Just get back on it tomorrow."  Or else, if it's been a few days and he can see what's going on because he knows me, "Well, okay, what are you gonna do about it?"  And then he lays it out and tells me the things he's seen me do before when I feel successful.  And usually at that point I get super defensive because I don't want to hear it, because I know what I need to do, and I know I'm not doing it.

So.... this weekend I gave myself too much grace.  I drank Woodchucks.  I ate way too many chips.  I haven't worked out since last Thursday.  And past me would have said, "See?  This is just how you are.  Trying to be different is too hard.  What does it really matter if you change your body?  You're gonna die anyway- so you die healthy, so what?"  For real.  I used to think that.

But now? I think no.  I think I feel better when I have energy, and I can tell that eating that way doesn't do it for me.  I think I feel stronger and happier after a workout, even if I hate it and want to die and throw obscenities at Shaun T while I'm doing it.  I think I love the example of health and moderation that it shows my kids when I get right back on the wagon after a weekend of crap.  No I'm not perfect, but I will keep trying now instead of quitting.

Danielle Natoni is a coach I love- she's featured in Insanity Max 30 and I stalk her pages.  She's got good stuff.  On Thanksgiving she posted something like, "I'm not doing today's workout to "earn" my meal.  I'm working out because it's Day 4 of my program, and I'm going to eat Thanksgiving dinner later because it's Thanksgiving."  I love that so much.  That's the balance I'm trying to attain.

I have the morning off work today.  I'm listening to the Beachbody National Wakeup Call while I type this, and then I'm going to go do my Insanity Fit Test before I start Month Two.  Y'all, I'm going to need you to hold me accountable.  Month two has workouts that are longer and more intense.  I have never worked out for an hour and I'm afraid I can't do it.  I still feel like a fat girl who "can't" run or jump.  But dammit I'm gonna try.  And I know I will succeed, even on days when I think I'm not.

And you can too.  :)  Let's do this!

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Insanity Musings

I'm halfway through week three of Insanity.  I decided to try it on a whim, because the entire program is included with the Beachbody on Demand service I subscribe to anyway.  I honestly was not sure I could do it but I'm getting tired of making so many excuses when it comes to my workouts.  I do it a lot.  Yes, I'm a geeky bookworm choir girl who used to be scrawny and then ate too many cheetos.  I've never been strong or fit and I've always preferred indoor activities that involved fat-assing on the couch.

But there is no reason I have to stay that way.  So Insanity it is.

I've really enjoyed surprising myself.  I still have to modify some exercises because my knees are not that great and they sometimes sound like rice krispies when I squat.  Sometimes my feet slip right out from under me when I'm planking and I fall on my face.  But for the most part I'm better at this than I thought I could be.  There's something immensely satisfying about realizing that you can, in fact, do ten power jumps.  Can I do 80 like my upline coach?  Nope.  But today I can do 10, and tomorrow maybe I'll do 11 or 12, and consistency is the key.  Small changes, over time, will give results.

Ever read that kids' book Holes?  They made a movie of it with Sigourney Weaver and Shia LeBoeuf.  There's a part in it where the dad makes his kid carry this baby pig up the hill every day.  The kid thinks it's totally pointless and grumbles the whole time.  All of a sudden one day after like a year he really looks at the pig and realizes that it's full-grown.  His friends try to pick it up and they can't.  "Every day the pig grew a little bigger, but every day I grew a little stronger", or something like that. Dude is lifting an adult hog and doesn't even think he's changed.  Insanity is kinda like that for me.  Well, except that some days I lose grip on the pig and we tumble down the hill.  And occasionally I let the pig have a day off.  But I still feel the analogy stands.  At the end of sixty days I want to stand at the top of the hill and hold that big pig in my strong arms.  And use my core to lift my knees, because I still have no freaking clue how to do that when Shaun T yells it at me every day.



So if you've done Insanity, mad props to you.  If you haven't, I highly recommend it, because it's so much fun to do more than you have before.  My family thinks I'm crazy.  They come into the playroom less and less while I'm working out now because I yell ugly things at Shaun T.  They agree that it looks hard and that they're proud of me.  That's another level of motivation right there.  Damn, I want to make my kids proud of me.  I want to show them that you don't always have to give up.

Even though most days I think it's possible I might pee a little or at the very least fart during the workout, even though I have to modify, and even though it's hard, this is some cool shiz.


But I'll get there.  And so can you.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Fruits of the Spirit

I've been dragging my feet on church lately.  We've been super lazy on Sundays and just haven't made it a priority to get up and go.  No real reason other than pajamas are great.  There are times that I feel really guilty about it, and there are times that I think God knows my heart and forgives me.  Both are true- I do trust that He will forgive me over and over because I constantly need it, but I still think it's okay to have a little guilt when you're not on track and you know it.  :)

ANYWAY.  All that to say, I went to church this morning and it was some excellent food for thought- all about fruits of the spirit.  You see what I did there?  Good grief I'm a dork.  (and autocorrect changed that to "good brie I'm a fork".  no lie- all about the foods here today apparently.)

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness/generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  I've learned so many little bible verse songs about them over the years and can spout them off like any good graduate of the youth group.  How many of us actually take the time to live them daily though?

Things that struck me from today's message:


  • Joy is not the same thing as happiness.  Joy is internal, and is a choice you make on how you respond to your circumstances.  You can live in terrible times and still have joy, just like living in a lot of material wealth doesn't necessarily ensure happiness.  
  • Patience is waiting with grace, and practicing a non-anxious presence in the midst of strife, accepting people where they are.  Wow.  My mom always says that you should never ask God for more patience, because instead of just fairy-dusting it down on you, He'll give you more opportunities where you need to develop patience.  Waiting with grace.  Practicing a non-anxious presence.  These things sound incredibly hard to manage sometimes, but just imagine for a minute how much richer your life would be, and how much nicer for the people around you, if you DID IT.
  • Gentleness: the ability to give people space to grow.  Also being gentle with yourself- allow YOU to be YOU, even when you're not being a very good you.  I like that a lot.  We all have days or even seasons when we know we're not at our best.  Gentleness allows for forgiveness, and for knowing that we won't be in this place forever.

Being a person who believes in and relies on God, I love these new little nuggets of thinking about fruits.  I think though that even if you're a person who feels far from God or you don't believe He's there, that living this way is better than feeling small and sad and petty and bitter.  

Choose to find joy in your circumstances.  Even if you're unhappy about things from time to time, don't let that steal your JOY.

Accept people where they are.  Assume that they're doing the best they can with what they have, just like you are.  Practice a non-anxious presence.  Wait with grace.

Be gentle with yourself and with the people you're sharing life with.

Or if all that is too much, pick one to work on and just start.  Work on being a better you.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

30 Things...

I have a team call later on this evening and our assignment was to make a list of thirty things that have changed for the better in my life because of Beachbody.  Figured I'd put it out here as I think it through- this opportunity has been so much more than just a home DVD program!

1. I'm starting to be a fitness role model for my kids.
2. I'm starting to like the way working out feels.
3. I say what I think more often and don't hide behind a fake smile.
4. Because of CIZE I don't pigeonhole myself with the "I can't dance" anymore.
5. I have lines in my arms!!
6. I drink Shakeology every damn day and it makes me feel healthier.
7. Once I made it a non-negotiable in our budget, we've paid for two bags every month.
8. My boys drink it too.
9. I read non-fiction now because I want to better myself.
10. My house is becoming decluttered because of KonMari and finding PD that rocks.
11. My success partner Kristy.  She gets me.
12. I'm learning to give myself grace on bad food days.
13. I don't have as many bad food days!
14. Even when I plateau, I've learned enough about myself and my body that I'm not putting the weight back on.
15. I've lost almost 30 pounds, and it looks like more because I'm getting some muscle tone for the first time in my life.
16. I've quit putting sugar in my coffee.
17. I'm learning to think in a really positive way every day.
18. I'm beginning to think that I can do more than I ever thought I could.
19. Less diet coke, more water.
20. I can carry heavy things like a BOSS.
21. I have so much more energy than I used to.
22. I feel less trapped in my everyday life, and grateful for the changes that I see now I can make.
23. My relationship with my husband is the best it's ever been in twenty years, because I can finally tell him what I want and what I don't.
24. He's starting to work out some too.
25. In fact, he's talking about taking an AIRPLANE RIDE TO A BEACH LOCATION for our 20th anniversary next summer.  Both those things have been absolute negatives for him.  I've gotten him on a plane twice, and seen him swim four times.  Since 1994.
26. My daughter and I have a goal of applying for the Amazing Race on her 18th birthday and we both want to get super fit to do that!
27. I feel completely content in building this business slowly- working on myself has been so great that I'm okay with not leaping out right now.
28. I really love connecting with the girls in my challenge groups and even though they're still small numbers-wise, the relationships we're building have been incredibly meaningful and motivating to me.
29. I'm realizing that I am worth it.  I'm worth the money the initial program cost.  I'm worth the monthly Shakeo even on months that I don't earn enough income to cover it.  I'm worth the cost of the new clothes I now need.  I'm worth the PD books.  It's okay to spend money on myself and not feel like I have to pour everything into my family until there's no space left to be me.
30.  I am Kelli.  I'm finally beginning to figure out who I am, and that's okay.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Welcome!

It's taken me quite a long time to create this blog.  I love to write, but my ideas have been all over the board and I didn't have a name for the space I wanted.  Finally I hit on Freedom to the Fullest: Fitness, Family, and Faith.  (And yes, there will be an Oxford comma.  Deal.)  It's a long title, but I didn't want to limit myself to only fitness posts.  Fitness is a relatively new addition to my life, and although it's becoming more important to me, I have other topics to discuss too.  I feel like the inclusion of family and faith will allow me to document way more of this life journey I'm taking!

Why FITNESS?
I hated to exercise for most of my life.  I was blessed with a fast metabolism in my younger years and never worked a day toward health or fitness goals.  As I approached the big 4-0 I realized that wasn't going to work for me anymore, unfortunately.  After various yo-yo diets, crazy schemes, and stuff that just didn't work for me, I found Beachbody.  This past year I've lost almost 30 pounds and I've actually begun to like some forms of exercise.  It's truly a miracle, and I feel like if I can do it, anybody can.  I'll be honest about all my hesitations and plateaus, and I'll also shout it from the rooftops without apology when it's a good day.  This stuff is scary and doesn't come easy to me.  If you feel the same way, I know I can help you!!  It's amazing to be forty years old and feel better and stronger than I've ever felt in my whole life.  Truly.

Why FAMILY?
I'll be celebrating my 20th anniversary next summer (yes, we were but small children at our wedding), and our marriage is really stronger and better than it's ever been before.  We've had our ups and downs and it hasn't always been easy, but I'm beginning to think I can give marriage tips without feeling like a fraud.  We're not newlyweds anymore and we've been through infertility, miscarriage, postpartum, unemployment, insecurities, birthday parties, milestones, holidays.... I want to show our real family and our struggles as well as our successes.  Marriage can be hard work, but it's so rewarding.  Our kids are 8 and 12, and will appear here sometimes.  They're to the point where all social media must be cleared.  The girl doesn't so much care.  The boy hates pictures and any mention that he exists.

Why FAITH?
Well, because I can't do life without it.  God is important to me.  I don't always talk about Him, and my relationship is feeling more private to me these days than it has in other seasons.  I want to reserve the right to discuss it when I want to though, and I also want to work on other things that make me feel closer to being the woman He designed me to be, even if I don't mention Him directly.  I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but I think we all have things we do that make us feel closer to the force that we connect with.  I hear a lot of people talk about the Universe, and for that to work in my life, I have to take it one step further and embrace the God who I believe created the Universe.  I used to think that reading nonfiction was dumb, that it was more stupid school, and I focused every minute of my reading time on fiction novels.  I still like to do that a lot, but now I also focus on personal development- reading things that make me learn, make me stronger, and help me grow.  Faith.


I don't know how consistent I will be with this blog, but I'm not going to apologize for the timing.  I will write when it's on my heart, and I'll be silent when I need to be.  I'll post a link to each new post on my Freedom to the Fullest Facebook page, so if you follow me there you can keep up here as well.  I'm excited about my life, for the first time in awhile, and I love the idea that just maybe reading what I'm going through could help somebody else.  Nobody wants to feel alone in the world.  I did that for a long time, just because I could not open up and tell people how I felt.