So here's the thing: I don't judge myself with the same measuring stick I use for everyone else. I think that's pretty standard for everyone, right? I look at someone else having a bad day and I message them and say, "Girl, you got this! Look how awesome you are! You can power through!" And I'm not just giving lip service- I mean it! I have awesome friends and I believe in them wholeheartedly.
But I have the same bad day and I think, "This sucks. I suck. It will never get better and even if I try hard, I will not measure up." I don't believe other people sometimes when they give me the pep-you-up messages, and occasionally I even think they're misguided or delusional for believing in me when it is SO FREAKING OBVIOUS that I am a dismal failure.
I know you've been there, guys. Isn't this what we all do to ourselves?
The trouble I'm having right now is finding the balance between giving myself a little grace, and yet not using excuses and too MUCH grace as a reason to not move forward. Does that make sense? Let me explain.
I want to be perfect. I do. I want to work out every day, and eat clean, and see amazing results. And I know that I *could* do it. But there are days it's just not a priority in the 24 hours that I have. And I'm ashamed to admit that too many days, eating chips and fat-assing on my couch with Plants vs Zombies and some Netflix bingeing is my priority instead. I don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't move forward in life. I hate that so many times it's just easier to sit there. And yet I continue to do it. And when I say this kind of thing to hubby, he says "babe, you've been working so hard! You deserve a little break. Just get back on it tomorrow." Or else, if it's been a few days and he can see what's going on because he knows me, "Well, okay, what are you gonna do about it?" And then he lays it out and tells me the things he's seen me do before when I feel successful. And usually at that point I get super defensive because I don't want to hear it, because I know what I need to do, and I know I'm not doing it.
So.... this weekend I gave myself too much grace. I drank Woodchucks. I ate way too many chips. I haven't worked out since last Thursday. And past me would have said, "See? This is just how you are. Trying to be different is too hard. What does it really matter if you change your body? You're gonna die anyway- so you die healthy, so what?" For real. I used to think that.
But now? I think no. I think I feel better when I have energy, and I can tell that eating that way doesn't do it for me. I think I feel stronger and happier after a workout, even if I hate it and want to die and throw obscenities at Shaun T while I'm doing it. I think I love the example of health and moderation that it shows my kids when I get right back on the wagon after a weekend of crap. No I'm not perfect, but I will keep trying now instead of quitting.
Danielle Natoni is a coach I love- she's featured in Insanity Max 30 and I stalk her pages. She's got good stuff. On Thanksgiving she posted something like, "I'm not doing today's workout to "earn" my meal. I'm working out because it's Day 4 of my program, and I'm going to eat Thanksgiving dinner later because it's Thanksgiving." I love that so much. That's the balance I'm trying to attain.
I have the morning off work today. I'm listening to the Beachbody National Wakeup Call while I type this, and then I'm going to go do my Insanity Fit Test before I start Month Two. Y'all, I'm going to need you to hold me accountable. Month two has workouts that are longer and more intense. I have never worked out for an hour and I'm afraid I can't do it. I still feel like a fat girl who "can't" run or jump. But dammit I'm gonna try. And I know I will succeed, even on days when I think I'm not.
And you can too. :) Let's do this!
Showing posts with label fitness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fitness. Show all posts
Monday, December 7, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Welcome!
It's taken me quite a long time to create this blog. I love to write, but my ideas have been all over the board and I didn't have a name for the space I wanted. Finally I hit on Freedom to the Fullest: Fitness, Family, and Faith. (And yes, there will be an Oxford comma. Deal.) It's a long title, but I didn't want to limit myself to only fitness posts. Fitness is a relatively new addition to my life, and although it's becoming more important to me, I have other topics to discuss too. I feel like the inclusion of family and faith will allow me to document way more of this life journey I'm taking!
Why FITNESS?
I hated to exercise for most of my life. I was blessed with a fast metabolism in my younger years and never worked a day toward health or fitness goals. As I approached the big 4-0 I realized that wasn't going to work for me anymore, unfortunately. After various yo-yo diets, crazy schemes, and stuff that just didn't work for me, I found Beachbody. This past year I've lost almost 30 pounds and I've actually begun to like some forms of exercise. It's truly a miracle, and I feel like if I can do it, anybody can. I'll be honest about all my hesitations and plateaus, and I'll also shout it from the rooftops without apology when it's a good day. This stuff is scary and doesn't come easy to me. If you feel the same way, I know I can help you!! It's amazing to be forty years old and feel better and stronger than I've ever felt in my whole life. Truly.
Why FAMILY?
I'll be celebrating my 20th anniversary next summer (yes, we were but small children at our wedding), and our marriage is really stronger and better than it's ever been before. We've had our ups and downs and it hasn't always been easy, but I'm beginning to think I can give marriage tips without feeling like a fraud. We're not newlyweds anymore and we've been through infertility, miscarriage, postpartum, unemployment, insecurities, birthday parties, milestones, holidays.... I want to show our real family and our struggles as well as our successes. Marriage can be hard work, but it's so rewarding. Our kids are 8 and 12, and will appear here sometimes. They're to the point where all social media must be cleared. The girl doesn't so much care. The boy hates pictures and any mention that he exists.
Why FAITH?
Well, because I can't do life without it. God is important to me. I don't always talk about Him, and my relationship is feeling more private to me these days than it has in other seasons. I want to reserve the right to discuss it when I want to though, and I also want to work on other things that make me feel closer to being the woman He designed me to be, even if I don't mention Him directly. I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but I think we all have things we do that make us feel closer to the force that we connect with. I hear a lot of people talk about the Universe, and for that to work in my life, I have to take it one step further and embrace the God who I believe created the Universe. I used to think that reading nonfiction was dumb, that it was more stupid school, and I focused every minute of my reading time on fiction novels. I still like to do that a lot, but now I also focus on personal development- reading things that make me learn, make me stronger, and help me grow. Faith.
I don't know how consistent I will be with this blog, but I'm not going to apologize for the timing. I will write when it's on my heart, and I'll be silent when I need to be. I'll post a link to each new post on my Freedom to the Fullest Facebook page, so if you follow me there you can keep up here as well. I'm excited about my life, for the first time in awhile, and I love the idea that just maybe reading what I'm going through could help somebody else. Nobody wants to feel alone in the world. I did that for a long time, just because I could not open up and tell people how I felt.
Why FITNESS?
I hated to exercise for most of my life. I was blessed with a fast metabolism in my younger years and never worked a day toward health or fitness goals. As I approached the big 4-0 I realized that wasn't going to work for me anymore, unfortunately. After various yo-yo diets, crazy schemes, and stuff that just didn't work for me, I found Beachbody. This past year I've lost almost 30 pounds and I've actually begun to like some forms of exercise. It's truly a miracle, and I feel like if I can do it, anybody can. I'll be honest about all my hesitations and plateaus, and I'll also shout it from the rooftops without apology when it's a good day. This stuff is scary and doesn't come easy to me. If you feel the same way, I know I can help you!! It's amazing to be forty years old and feel better and stronger than I've ever felt in my whole life. Truly.
Why FAMILY?
I'll be celebrating my 20th anniversary next summer (yes, we were but small children at our wedding), and our marriage is really stronger and better than it's ever been before. We've had our ups and downs and it hasn't always been easy, but I'm beginning to think I can give marriage tips without feeling like a fraud. We're not newlyweds anymore and we've been through infertility, miscarriage, postpartum, unemployment, insecurities, birthday parties, milestones, holidays.... I want to show our real family and our struggles as well as our successes. Marriage can be hard work, but it's so rewarding. Our kids are 8 and 12, and will appear here sometimes. They're to the point where all social media must be cleared. The girl doesn't so much care. The boy hates pictures and any mention that he exists.
Why FAITH?
Well, because I can't do life without it. God is important to me. I don't always talk about Him, and my relationship is feeling more private to me these days than it has in other seasons. I want to reserve the right to discuss it when I want to though, and I also want to work on other things that make me feel closer to being the woman He designed me to be, even if I don't mention Him directly. I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but I think we all have things we do that make us feel closer to the force that we connect with. I hear a lot of people talk about the Universe, and for that to work in my life, I have to take it one step further and embrace the God who I believe created the Universe. I used to think that reading nonfiction was dumb, that it was more stupid school, and I focused every minute of my reading time on fiction novels. I still like to do that a lot, but now I also focus on personal development- reading things that make me learn, make me stronger, and help me grow. Faith.
I don't know how consistent I will be with this blog, but I'm not going to apologize for the timing. I will write when it's on my heart, and I'll be silent when I need to be. I'll post a link to each new post on my Freedom to the Fullest Facebook page, so if you follow me there you can keep up here as well. I'm excited about my life, for the first time in awhile, and I love the idea that just maybe reading what I'm going through could help somebody else. Nobody wants to feel alone in the world. I did that for a long time, just because I could not open up and tell people how I felt.
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